I have not blogged since 2012. There have been so many things I've wanted to write about, but haven't found the words or the time to do it, so it's been left un-said.
But.... today is an important day and I have to say something.
One year ago today our twins were placed with us.
One year ago today, we met for the first time the little girl we would name H (although she didn't come to live with us until 3 weeks later).
We have been a family of 7 for almost a year. It's been a wild ride. An amazing year, one of those "I can't believe it's already been a year" but also "the longest year of our lives" kind of years.
It's kind of crazy how one thing completely changes the course of your life, or in this case, 7 lives. My life, my husbands life, and the lives of all of our children (including bio kids) will never be the same. And I'm so glad!
There's something about foster care and adoption that can lead to such a conflict of emotions. In one day I can feel like a hero (I'm not), a failure (pretty sure I'm not), energized by the great things I'm seeing in our family, but also completely exhausted because it's 10am AND I JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH ANY MORE POOP TODAY!
When people ask what it's like or how we're doing.... I never really know what to say. There's no way to be concise, there's no statement that encompasses all that I feel or deal with.
Is it exhausting? Yes, it's so exhausting.
Is it frustrating? You have no idea how frustrating the system can be.
Are you worried or anxious? In the beginning I would have said: Yes! I'm anxious that these children that I love as if they had come from my own body, will be taken from me and given to a stranger, to someone they don't know. I'm worried that because all my time and energy is focused on the smallest members of our family, my bio kids will suffer. (about the second part of this- the boys are fine Did they get less attention from mom? Yes, and while that is unfortunate and I'm trying to get better about that, I have watched them grow in compassion for others and it is so amazing to watch!).
Is it worth it? I want to scream from the housetops: IT'S COMPLETELY WORTH IT!
Our family in November 2014: